Learning How To Love Yourself



If you are like me, you may have struggled with the idea of self-love?


Given that ‘we are best at teaching that which we most need to learn‘, as a Counsellor/Therapist I have spent many years teaching my clients the practice of self-love. However, I am also aware that allowing self-love is fundamental for happiness in my own life and something I need to practice too. Kindness is my cornerstone to my success and my service – kindness to myself first and foremost.


So why do so many of us struggle with self-love?


Despite being born completely delighting in our Being as babies, seeds of doubt get planted as we grow into children that tell us that self-love is selfish, vain, and an unattractive quality.


But what if it’s not – what if it’s actually the answer to the various struggles so many of us face?


Many people have written about how loving yourself extends out and effects ALL of your relationships with everybody else, including how you relate to the world in general. It all starts with you, apparently. So lets look at this.


When we become curious about this notion of self-love it invites the question of: Who is the YOU that you are attempting to love anyway?


Is it just the physical you – the body you currently inhabit, or does it include the energetic part of you – the soul-essence within you? – Or what about both of them together?


Could self-love be the existential glue that facilitates a working relationship between body and soul?


In my experience, the happiest I have ever been was when I was practicing self-love. I was literally enjoying being in the midst of a relationship with myself. I was single, but never felt lonely, I was going through change, but had complete faith in myself that I would negotiate this and make the decisions that best supported me. I felt immense love for my True Self, and the love that emanated from me seemed to effect how I saw the world and everybody else in it. People loved me back in a perfectly mirrored reflection.


I was softer, and more compassionate with myself and therefore with others too. Judgement of any kind seemed to dissolve before my very eyes. I felt safe, guided, loved and lovable.


When I look back at this time, the only way I can describe it is… it was as if my love for self was providing a frequency match for my soul-essence. When my soul felt the love I was allowing for myself in the physical, a resonance occurred and more of my soul came through to be expressed in the physical.


It was like a ‘spiritual snow ball effect’. The more love I allowed for myself, the more my soul had the ‘space’ to come forward and build upon that love.


Energy reflected energy.


It is apparent to me that LOVE is the language of the universe/god/Creation/All That Is, (whatever you choose to call it). When we allow ourselves to vibrate at that frequency, we are speaking our Language of Origin. 


So how do we recognise it when we are speaking it to ourselves?

  • It is kind
  • It is joyful and likes to laugh
  • It also allows tears for healing when needed
  • It is accepting of what is
  • It feels like freedom
  • It is light and uplifting



Each day, I practice an act of self-love with the intention of expanding into a consistent self-loving experience. One way of doing this is when I make decisions, I ask myself: “Am I making this decision out of fear, or out of love?” … the pathway I manifest from each of those states are entirely different. It all depends upon what I allow or deny for myself moment to moment. Each moment creates the next, which in turn creates our experience each day, each week, each month, and each year.


How will you practice self-love in this moment?